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it has been a fucking journey

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I learned a long time ago that patience is the most valuable thing to learn. The thing is, you don’t really stop learning it, really. I feel like in every aspect of my life, I have seen the value in patience. In my artwork, with humans, and with business. The one thing I have struggled with, and that’s including admitting this, I am not patient with myself. The thing that I need to face is the massive disservice this has done to myself.
 
I created a little chant a few years ago that is coming back to me as I write this. Well, a part of it anyways. And that’s To Honor Yourself. Honor is a concept that I have carried within myself my whole life. No, not like a Worf way where you try to belittle everyone who you think doesn’t have honor when you yourself Don’t Have Honor, I mean in a way where you give yourself respect, and love, and care like you do for other people. 
I feel like the last few years have really taken me away from this core part of my being, and having a safe home far away from the toxic reality of where I just was, is giving me space to rediscover this aspect of my existence. I think I fought it a lot these last few years, because I didn’t feel safe. I just wasn’t safe, and those concerns were proven to me our last week in that state.

I don’t know what our future holds, for the first time in a long time. I think that in between the bark of the tree, the splash of the water on the rocks, where the light turns to shadow, I’m starting to find that excitement to live again. 
Before we moved, I had a therapeutic day of painting with coffee and my coworkers. They both made me a painting, and both with quotes that have been keeping me company. I really do feel like stopping to smell the roses, so to speak, has given me reason to breathe. And like Greta says, “wake up and change” It isn’t easy, but you can do it. We all can.

until next time friends,

charlie kristen 

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